Small things trigger back
nostalgia . It can be a good feeling or a bad feeling. The one I am
talking about triggered guilt. Not that I did something bad back then,
its about how i am now with respect to that time. I am talking about my
first few days in college. The excitement, fear, drama, the feeling,
being alone and independent. Every moment was so exciting. And it
wouldn’t be exaggeration branding them magical.
The person I was then and the person I am now are miles apart. In my case, I am sure the former looks down upon the later. Are you really what you planned yourself to be?
I remember why I wanted to be in college so desperately. I wanted a start afresh. I wanted an image makeover. I wanted to meet new people. Move away from the old rut. Not that I had forsaken all that was old, I treasured a precious few. But now I am back to square one. All the excitement lost, all the ‘life’ lost. That was my reason of excitement for college. Everyone has one. What was your?
But now its a lost cause. We have turned into people which we didn’t plan to be, but what circumstances molded us into. Some decision we made were to make someone else happy, some were made to please your ego, some were made rashly without much consideration, but down the line, very few decisions were made that the former you and present you would have agreed upon mutually.
Write down what you are now, how you have behaved with people, the dirty politics you have played, what you have become on a piece of paper. Now imagine your first week in college and someone asks you whether you would like to be the person you just described in a years time?
It is really sad. I am sure there is a list of things that would remind you of those magical days. For me, its the rain, smell of a certain novel I was reading back them, going for a bath very early in the morning and what not. I would do anything, trade anything to get back to that time.
I would love to have a clean slate again. Be filled with enthusiasm again, with those imaginary bucketlists, with all the awe for my college’s campus, that urge to say yes to everything, be good to people and make new friends, knowing other people’s lives.
But its a vicious cycle. I would end up with a scribbled slate again, full of mistakes and mess. It’s just a cycle. We like everything that is new. Remember when you were a kid, we all loved to write in a new nootbook, a new page , everything that doesn’t remind us of the past. Once everything gets routined and you are suddenly bored of whatever used to excite you in the first place. Its like falling in love is always better than being in love.
Starting afresh again and again is certainly not a solution then. Cause you are going to end up messed up. You are not perfect, nobody is perfect. All you can do is amend your strokes, editing what is already done. It’s like you drew a ‘5’ before, all you can do now is to smoothen the edges and make into what you wanted, a ‘S’. You can’t change what is already there. All you can do is modify it. And the time is now.
Suppose you are in an art class. Where you are given a clean paper and all possible coloured pencils. You are filled with so many ideas of what to draw , what the drawing should represent, what impression should it form on others, what message, what ideals should it represent, and what impression should it form on the onlookers. It is so exciting to work on something new.
And then you start drawing. Line after line, color after color you keep defining your drawing. You are pretty meticulous and neat. Making sure the colors are inside their own respective realms. Everything seems so fresh and exciting.
And then you are so much lost in making the edges right, making the lines straight, thinking how everyone is seeing and judging the unfinished drawing and the artisan. The motive of the drawing gets lost. You can’t see the bigger picture anymore. Your strokes are based on what the onlookers are thinking. Without your realizing you’ve started scribbling just anything. You keep drawing what you already drew. Over and over. Nothing new.
Now is the time. Now is the moment you waited all your life for. It’s college baby!Everything else was postponed till college. Now is the time. You have to realize the gravity of the fact. You can do anything. Try everything. Never ever in your life you will have the same freedom. Be the person you always wanted to be.
I don’t know what needs to be done now. There is no 1-2-3 step solution. The only leap that needs to be taken is acknowledging the guilt, realizing that you are doing the drawing wrong. Realize that you are losing control over your drawing. It’s not too late. Relive that feeling again, the first month of your college. The art class I was talking about where you could draw anything and have all the required colors for the purpose, its called Life. But you only get one paper. You had a masterpiece in your head, time to draw it right.
I first wrote this as a facebook note in 2012, just after my freshmen year in college ended. Now after completing my third year of college, I feel that I've come a long way since then, but this still strikes a chord.
Please share, if you think this could help someone else. Also, comment :)
If you liked what you read, subscribe and get posts delivered to your inbox.
Link to the post : http://avoidingdecadence.blogspot.com/2014/05/on-college-and-drawing-your-masterpiece.html
You may also like this,
Complete Guide To Summer Breaks In College
The person I was then and the person I am now are miles apart. In my case, I am sure the former looks down upon the later. Are you really what you planned yourself to be?
I remember why I wanted to be in college so desperately. I wanted a start afresh. I wanted an image makeover. I wanted to meet new people. Move away from the old rut. Not that I had forsaken all that was old, I treasured a precious few. But now I am back to square one. All the excitement lost, all the ‘life’ lost. That was my reason of excitement for college. Everyone has one. What was your?
But now its a lost cause. We have turned into people which we didn’t plan to be, but what circumstances molded us into. Some decision we made were to make someone else happy, some were made to please your ego, some were made rashly without much consideration, but down the line, very few decisions were made that the former you and present you would have agreed upon mutually.
Write down what you are now, how you have behaved with people, the dirty politics you have played, what you have become on a piece of paper. Now imagine your first week in college and someone asks you whether you would like to be the person you just described in a years time?
It is really sad. I am sure there is a list of things that would remind you of those magical days. For me, its the rain, smell of a certain novel I was reading back them, going for a bath very early in the morning and what not. I would do anything, trade anything to get back to that time.
I would love to have a clean slate again. Be filled with enthusiasm again, with those imaginary bucketlists, with all the awe for my college’s campus, that urge to say yes to everything, be good to people and make new friends, knowing other people’s lives.
But its a vicious cycle. I would end up with a scribbled slate again, full of mistakes and mess. It’s just a cycle. We like everything that is new. Remember when you were a kid, we all loved to write in a new nootbook, a new page , everything that doesn’t remind us of the past. Once everything gets routined and you are suddenly bored of whatever used to excite you in the first place. Its like falling in love is always better than being in love.
Starting afresh again and again is certainly not a solution then. Cause you are going to end up messed up. You are not perfect, nobody is perfect. All you can do is amend your strokes, editing what is already done. It’s like you drew a ‘5’ before, all you can do now is to smoothen the edges and make into what you wanted, a ‘S’. You can’t change what is already there. All you can do is modify it. And the time is now.
Suppose you are in an art class. Where you are given a clean paper and all possible coloured pencils. You are filled with so many ideas of what to draw , what the drawing should represent, what impression should it form on others, what message, what ideals should it represent, and what impression should it form on the onlookers. It is so exciting to work on something new.
And then you start drawing. Line after line, color after color you keep defining your drawing. You are pretty meticulous and neat. Making sure the colors are inside their own respective realms. Everything seems so fresh and exciting.
And then you are so much lost in making the edges right, making the lines straight, thinking how everyone is seeing and judging the unfinished drawing and the artisan. The motive of the drawing gets lost. You can’t see the bigger picture anymore. Your strokes are based on what the onlookers are thinking. Without your realizing you’ve started scribbling just anything. You keep drawing what you already drew. Over and over. Nothing new.
Now is the time. Now is the moment you waited all your life for. It’s college baby!Everything else was postponed till college. Now is the time. You have to realize the gravity of the fact. You can do anything. Try everything. Never ever in your life you will have the same freedom. Be the person you always wanted to be.
 |
| Holstee Manifesto |
I don’t know what needs to be done now. There is no 1-2-3 step solution. The only leap that needs to be taken is acknowledging the guilt, realizing that you are doing the drawing wrong. Realize that you are losing control over your drawing. It’s not too late. Relive that feeling again, the first month of your college. The art class I was talking about where you could draw anything and have all the required colors for the purpose, its called Life. But you only get one paper. You had a masterpiece in your head, time to draw it right.
I first wrote this as a facebook note in 2012, just after my freshmen year in college ended. Now after completing my third year of college, I feel that I've come a long way since then, but this still strikes a chord.
Please share, if you think this could help someone else. Also, comment :)
If you liked what you read, subscribe and get posts delivered to your inbox.
Link to the post : http://avoidingdecadence.blogspot.com/2014/05/on-college-and-drawing-your-masterpiece.html
You may also like this,
Complete Guide To Summer Breaks In College
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